So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
