i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
