Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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