3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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