OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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