did you get engaged???
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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