oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
