My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
