Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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