Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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