Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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