you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
