Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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