discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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