When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Your cock deserves a montage
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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