yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
