Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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