there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
