my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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