who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
