We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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