You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
