Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
