So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
