I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
