you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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