haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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