His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
