did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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