Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
