so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
