Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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