There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
