cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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