Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
