I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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