My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
