hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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