The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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