theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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