I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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