scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
