i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Slut skills are useful in every country.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
