I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
