Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
