hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
nutella sex= disaster
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
