Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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