kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
