morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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