i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
