And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
a search helicopter?!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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