Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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