so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
