My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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