my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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