Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she told me i tasted like america
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
