just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize