Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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