All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
