A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
