I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
