my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
