A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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