I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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