If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
