ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
