I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
