I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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