I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
