she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
