Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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