Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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