Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
