I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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