you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
