U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
