I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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