last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
