so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There r osticjed everywhere
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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