dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
