you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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