I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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