sorry about calling you the devil all night.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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