Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
