I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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