The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
