Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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