I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
