OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
