My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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