his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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