1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize