im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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