My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
