I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
