I want to make a zoo with you.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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