You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Randomize