I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
