So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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