No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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