I want to have your abortion
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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