he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
