all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she smelled like a LAN party
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
