he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
