Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize