if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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