You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
When are your genitals available?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
