The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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