i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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