The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize