Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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